Loving with a Disease
by lilmismary
Summary: Secrets are never good to keep from those you love, it only leads to someone getting hurt. How is Bella supposed to tell the man she loves that she has a potentially fatal disease. How does she tell him that she kept this secret to protect both their hearts, because she knows what she can and can't give him.


Hello All.

I had started this story and got a few chapters in but than my laptop was stolen and I gave up. Well I couldn't give this story up so I restarted it. I have no notes or anything from the previous story so this is all fresh, however the premise is the same. I hope you enjoy. If you have any questions feel free to PM me. Constructive criticism is always welcome and all mistakes are my own.

I don't own the characters but I do own the story line.

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We all have those moments in our lives that define us, that leave us changed forever. These "scars" are earned and show that we survived, we survived loss and love, heartbreak and joy. Some scars stay fresh and never completely heal while others heal so well that you can hardly see faint shimmer they leave behind. My scars are both literal and figurative, some are deep and red and angry while others left marks that everyone can see and are curious about. Now that I have grown, matured, and faced my scars head on, I love them. I don't mind talking about them and sharing the stories of how I got them. My life hasn't been all sunshine and flowers, in fact my life has been on the rough side. Ya, believe me I know that there are so many others out there who have had it WAY worse than me, my friend being one of them, but growing up was difficult.

My childhood wasn't difficult because my family was poor, and I was never abused, in less you count my older brother torturing me, but we had our share of loss and it left its mark. My mother passed away when I was very young and my fathers heart broke. No, he didn't go to the bottle and drown his sorrows. I had a wonderful father who instead did everything he could to show his three children how much he loved and cherished them. Being that young when you lose you mother is hard. My father did eventually get remarried but I never did find any kind of connection with my step-mother. In elementary school I was left out of the mothers day activities. Instead of asking if there was someone like an aunt or grandmother I would like to make my card for I was taken to the Library or Computer Lab while the other kids made their cards for their moms. My dad would always take us to the cemetery to place flowers on her headstone on mothers day until my step-mother put her foot down and said that she was the mother in the house and it should be spent with her. I wouldn't call her the Wicked Step-Mother but she was never motherly in any sense of the word either. Losing my mother left such a scar that would never completely heal because there would always be something to rub it raw or open it back up completely. Some may think I should see a therapist about this but I think I am coping pretty well with it. Losing the most important person in your world is tough and can never be gotten over.

In Jr. High I received my first physical scar. During the summer between seventh and eighth grade I started feeling sick all the time. I was always tired and I would experience extreme pain in my stomach shortly after eating. My appetite started to decrease dramatically and I lost a lot of weight, I also spent more time in the bathroom. My step-mother had everyone, including my doctors that I had an eating disorder. After blood work and a CT scan it was discovered that I had Crohn's Disease. After a month in the hospital I needed to have surgery. I only told my closest of friends what was going on because the symptoms of Crohn's are not fun to talk about and are quite frankly embarrassing. Why would I want to talk about Crohn's with immature adolescents. Later that year I met my first love. He was amazing but I was so terrified to tell him what I had. I kept it a secret from him for so long that I had forgotten that he didn't know. Than I was scheduled for a CT appointment on the same day as his birthday party. I told him I would be there, but would probably be late because I had an appointment. He didn't really question it until I wasn't able to show up at all because my blood work came back bad and my doctor admitted me. This was before everyone had cell phones so I couldn't call him until I had my own room. I was able to call him the next day and explain what was going on and we continued to "date" until he decided that he didn't like how all of my appointments and limitations would keep me from doing so much stuff with him. He broke my heart. That was when I decided to never again tell another boy what was going on with me.

High school was a bit better. I was slightly more comfortable talking about my condition with more of my friends. That is when I realized that some things needed and explanation. Why wasn't I allowed to eat certain foods? Why did I have to be at home at a specific time? Why did I have to drink supplements? Why did I have a huge scar on my stomach? When I took a Health Careers course my JR. year I really started to get more comfortable telling people. I finally did more research and found easier ways of telling people. Than prom hit and and my first big emotion scar was scratched and irritated. When everyone was going shopping with their moms to find the perfect dress I had no one. OK, really I had my sister but it wasn't the same. I really just wanted my mom to fret over me and I didn't have that. After having a really good cry with my sister I was able to enjoy the experience I did have. My friend and I decided to go to prom together and we had a blast. It was at prom that I realized how much I really liked him. He was cute, funny and had the best hair. I didn't want to make the same mistake by not telling him but I couldn't gather enough courage to tell him either.

Edward and I dated from Jr. Prom all the way up to the day he left for college. I was staying behind and He was going to an East Coast school. We decided that a long distance relationship just wouldn't work. We knew that neither of us had the money to visit each other much and calling and Skype wouldn't cut it for four years. Because I was so afraid of telling him about my disease I felt as if I never invested myself fully into our relationship and this led me to never being comfortable giving myself to Edward fully. I never thought about waiting for marriage but I did know I had to wait for the person I could trust with everything.

Saying goodbye to Edward was one of the hardest things I had to do. I rode in the back seat of his parents SUV holding onto his hand as tightly as possible, never wanting to let it go. His parents said goodbye at the curb and went to park the car so we could say goodbye in private. I held on to him tightly and cried.

"Jingle, I love you. When you love someone you have to be willing to let them go, if they come back to you than it was always meant to be." Edward held me just as tightly. I knew he didn't want to leave me but we are both practical enough to know it is for the best.

"Oh Edward, I love you too. I wish we didn't agree to this. I wish it could be enough but I know it won't be. Promise me we'll still talk and stuff." I held my head in my hands and started to cry harder. Edward rubbed my shoulders and whispered to me.

"Of course Jingle, We will keep in touch and stay friends. I know we might get busy with school and work and what not but even if it is only once a month we have to."

"OK." I gave him one last quick kiss and walked out of the airport. I texted his parents to let them know I was ready and they soon showed up to collect me. Esmom was already seated in the back holding a box of tissue up to me and pulled me into her embrace. The drive home was quick, but only because I fell asleep on Esmom. When I arrived home I went straight to my room put my ear-buds in and just laid on my bed waiting for Edward to call.

The first six months flew by and Edward and I talked nearly every day. After that though things got busy for both of us and the calls, emails, and Skype sessions slowed down. That first summer Edward's parents flew to visit him for the couple of weeks between spring and summer classes. I was just finishing up my Externship for phlebotomy and was getting ready to put my resume out there. I eventually wanted to become a Nuclear Medicine Technician but needed to start working so I could save up for those classes.

Edward had always wanted to be a Pathologist and run his own lab so he was already looking into Pre-med courses and Med schools. Over the next few years we did keep our promise by always talking in some form at least once a month. I still hadn't told Edward about my disease and figured if he came back that I would tell him.

Just before Christmas of his first year of Med School Edward called me. I almost didn't answer because I had been in the hospital for about a week already with a bad infection and Fistula in my small intestine and was waiting to hear from my doctors if I needed to have another surgery. I knew I needed to answer because if i didn't he would keep calling or call my parents house and they would undoubtedly tell him where I was. I was also afraid to tell him that I had started dating his old high school buddy Jacob .

"Hay Edward." I said as cheerily as I could. He saw through it.

"Jingle, What's wrong?"

"Nothing, just a little under the weather." it wasn't a lie.

"Oh, I hope you feel better soon Jingle. I have a surprise for you."

"Really what is it?" I couldn't contain my excitement. I was always hoping for Edward to come back for a visit, but I didn't want to voice it.

"Are you going to my parents annual New Years Party?" I hoped I could. I was praying that I was out of the hospital by New Years.

"Ya, I was planning on it, why?"

"I guess I will see you there. I'm finally able to make it home for something. I will only be there for a few days but I miss everything and everyone so much." I may have screamed in his ear.

"EDWARD, THAT'S SO EXCITING!" I couldn't contain my smile. Murphy's law would demand that Jacob walk into my room as I am screaming this.

"I know I am excited too, Jingle." he said at the same time that Jacob said, "What's so exciting?"

"Edward is coming home for New Years Jacob. Isn't that amazing." I know he could hear the excitement in my voice and got a strange look on his face and nodded his head in reply before walking back out the door. That was strange. Maybe he is giving me some time to finish my phone call.

"Did you say Jacob? You still talk to him? Wow, Jingle, wait it is kinda late out there and you said you were sick, so why is Jacob with you?" He was talking so fast I couldn't get a word in edgewise.

"Umm, Jacob and I have been dating for a few months. I didn't want to tell you because I know you guys were buddies in High School but had that weird falling out after we started dating." I hope he wouldn't get mad. I know that he had been dating different women over the last year or so, hell I had even talked to some of them. It was hard at first but I knew it would happen I needed to move on too, so I did.

"Jingle, he wanted you then. That is why we stopped talking. He once told me he would do anything to take you from me. Look if you want to date him that's fine but don't let him get between us. We were friends before we dated and we are still friends even though that ended for us. Don't let him change that please." I could hear the desperation in his voice so I promised him I wouldn't. I knew that I would do anything to keep this promise. He was right. If Jacob and I stood a chance he couldn't try to end my relationship with Edward.

Edward and I talked for a little while longer. We talked about how he would be bringing his girlfriend with him to meet the family and all of his friends. She was also a Med student and wanted to specialize in GI. How Ironic. From the conversation I once had with her she seemed nice but we would see.

Jacob never came back that night. He did return the next night after his shift on the lift team at the hospital. That is where we reconnected, at work. He brought me a patient who needed and EKG and blood work done and we recognized each other and started dating soon after. I had to tell him about having Crohn's because of my current hospital stay. He was upset that I kept it from him but said it didn't matter. We would see.

"I'm sorry I just left last night. I know you and Edward are still friends and I can accept that, but you just seemed too excited for your _friend_ to be returning."

"Jacob…"

"No, Bella, let me finish." He took a deep breath and rubbed both hands over his face.

"Bella, I know we have only been dating for a few months but I think I am really falling for you. I don't want this to ruin anything between us. I can admit to being jealous of your relationship when we were in High School and ya, that's why I stopped talking to Edward, but now you are my girl not his and I just hope he knows that. I'm not going to tell you that you can't talk to him, but I do want to keep in mind that you have someone who cares about you here."

"Oh, Jacob. We are only friends. He is in a relationship with a great girl, I've talked to her. I miss him." I took a deep breath thinking about what else he had to say. I didn't want to hurt his feelings by saying that I wasn't sure if I was falling for him yet or not but I did know that I cared for him more than just friends.

"Jacob I care about you a whole lot, and I can easily see myself falling for you, and if you want to keep seeing each other we can revisit this conversation a little later. Now, if I am out of this hell hole by New Years will you please go with me to the Cullen's Party?"

"Ya, Bella, I'll go with you." I could see it in his eyes that what I had to say wasn't exactly what he wanted to hear but it was all I could give him now.

The next day my doctor decided that I did in fact need surgery and after spending some time in the hospital was released the morning of New Years. I called Esmom and told her what was going on and she suggested that I just stay home and rest, but i refused. I wanted to see Edward. Esmom knew that Edward didn't know about my disease and thought now I should tell him, but I just couldn't. The plan was to show up early and relax on the couch while everyone is showing up. Hopefully with Jacob beside me Edward wouldn't scoop me up like he used to. One could only hope.

Jacob and I got there a little early and took up residence on the couch. When Edward got there I could hear his voice before I saw him. When he walked into the room Jacob stood and approached him and said something to him before walking into the other room. Edward came and simply sat down next to me.

"Jacob said you just got out of the hospital, said you got really sick. Why didn't you call me?" I could see that he was upset.

"Edward, I'm sorry. I didn't want you to worry." I wanted to avoid his eyes so I looked up to the rooms entrance and saw a beautiful women standing watching us. Edward followed my gaze and stood back up walked over to her. I watched as he kissed her cheek and brought her over to me.

"Jingle, This is my Alice. She is looking to be a Gastroenterologist. Why don't I go get you too something to drink. Jingle what would you like? Alice, Wine?"

"Water for me please." I watched as she nodded at him and turned her gaze to me.

"Mrs. Cullen asked for me to ask how you are doing. I couldn't figure out why at first but with what I know about you from Edward I'm guessing you are more than just sick right now. You look much thinner than your photos, your hair is dull, your skin far from healthy, your lips are severely chapped, your nails are brittle and I can smell Iodine and Alcohol on you. I can see you had a PICC line and not an ordinary IV. You know if Edward wasn't so excited to see you he would probably notice all of this as well. So why would Mrs. Cullen ask me to check on you when her husband is an excellent doctor? Could it be because of my specialty? So what is it that you have that you don't want Edward knowing about?"

The entire time she spoke I kept my head down and listened. Everything she was saying was correct. I hoped Edward wouldn't notice but I didn't even think about Alice.

"You're right. I wasn't just sick. I have Crohn's and had a fistula, they did surgery a week and a half ago. I just got out today."

"Why would you keep this from him?" She was looking at me like I was stupid. Maybe I was.

"I had a bad experience with a previous boyfriend knowing so I didn't want him know until I was sure when we were dating and then he was moving away from me and I figured we would grow apart and I would never have to tell him. Please don't tell him."

"You are so stupid. I won't but you should."


End file.
